Diplomacy
by Durbe the Barian
Summary: Don't ever let the Barians play board games. Especially not Diplomacy. Rated K plus because I'm unsure about our favorite blondy.


**Zexal Oneshot**

**Diplomacy**

**Humor**

**Seven Barian Emperors**

**Don't ever let the Barians play board games. Especially not Diplomacy.)**

**(I don't own Zexal. If I did, why would the Barian Emperors be playing Diplomacy?!)**

* * *

Diplomacy

* * *

"How are we supposed to play this game again?"

That marked the third time Alit had asked that question and the fourth time Durbe was forced to explain the game in question. Quite frankly, it was getting annoying, and just about everybody was in agreement there.

"It's just a game, Alit," Durbe said. "It's like Dueling."

"How is it like Dueling?" Misael asked. He got the rules the first explanation, but even he had to admit that he didn't understand what was going through Durbe's head. (Maybe it was way too many Alits asking him about the game.)

"You use strategy to outsmart your opponents," Durbe said. "You can work alongside others to gain enough stations and end the first world war."

"Is that how the war was won?" Gilag asked, staring at the Diplomacy board game.

Durbe nearly banged his head against the table.

"Who cares?" Vector asked. "Let's just play. I've got the rules."

"Fine," Durbe said. "Who's where?"

"I'll be France," Gilag said.

"Awww," Alit whined. "I wanted to be France."

Clearly, that was not going to work.

"Okay!" Durbe exclaimed. "This is not going to work. Where's the dice?"

"I've got it," Misael said, holding up a small, white square with a bunch of black dots on it.

Durbe took it and sighed. "Okay, everybody say a number. We'll decide who gets what this way."

"One!" Alit said happily.

"Three," said Gilag.

"Five," Vector exclaimed, readying his fist.

"Seven," Misael mumbled.

"The dice doesn't have that number, Misael," Durbe said.

"Fine. Zero."

"That's not on the dice either."

Now Misael was just mad.

"Fine! Six."

"Then I'll be two," Durbe said. "Now. Let's see who gets what."

They deeply regretted it afterwards.

Durbe rolled the following places.

One got England. (Alit nearly cried when he saw that.)

Two got Turkey. (Thus began the chicken jokes.)

Three got France. (Don't ask why.)

Six got Austria.

As for five…well…Five got Russia.

Almost everybody hit their heads when that roll came around. Vector, however, laughed his Barian face off. "Well, this is going to be a good fight," he said.

"Can I surrender before the fight begins?" Alit practically whined.

"Unfortunately, that's not in the rules," Durbe said with a sigh.

"Maybe we can all gang up on Vector before he cooks us," Misael suggested.

"Agreed," all except Vector said, even raising their hands to better support their cry.

Vector then looked at them all and gave them a grin.

Then they all sweat dropped.

This was going to be a terrible war.

* * *

(Turn: Spring 06)

Misael nearly bruised his forehead as he whacked it against the table in exasperation. Austria was totally on the losing side, even with Turkey lending aid, and Russia was thoroughly enjoying it. "Is that even a legal move?!" he asked in irritation.

"It is, Misael," Durbe said, giving his glasses a quick poke. "You just lost Budapest to Russia."

"Since when did he even have two armies in the first stinking place!?"

"He made them a few turns ago," Alit said. "You dozed off."

Misael groaned and banged his neck against the back of his chair.

Then Vector let out a giggle. "Are you going to surrender, Misa-chan?" he asked.

Misael's eyes flashed with rage. "As if!" he shouted, jumping out of his chair and staring his mad opponent in the face.

Durbe could only sigh and go back to the novel he was reading. (Ironically, it was a war story.)

The whole game was just spiraling out of control. They had lost Gilag to an attack in France. (And he was still in his room recuperating. Vector had attacked him **outside** the game with a metal battleship.) Alit was stuck in England, thanks to Russia's battleships surrounding him. And now Misael was declaring Barian World War I against Vector.

Maybe it would have been a better idea to find a safer human board game. Maybe something like _Sorry_. (Misael was against that the instant he mentioned it.)

One look at Misael's face and Vector's expression and Durbe decided, "Ehh. Probably not." So he simply stayed back, protected his armies, and watched the metaphorical fireworks.

That was probably the better idea.

(Turn: Fall 10)

Alit pushed his chair away from the table and walked away. "I'm dead," he said softly.

Vector had just succeeded in getting all of England under his control. Honestly, how could such a terrible duelist be such a great tactician?!

Growling through his teeth, Misael got out of his chair and stared his opponent in the eyes again. He slammed his hands against the table with as much power as his human body was allowed. Durbe, having anticipated such an attack to the table, raised his soda, all the while keeping his eyes on his book. Around these guys, it was best to anticipate the unanticipated.

(Turn: Spring 17.)

"You have **got** to be cheating!" Misael shouted.

"Volume, Misael," Durbe said, burying his nose in his book. His defense had finally been broken and all of Turkey had been captured by Russia. (Technically, Vector had already won the game, but they decided to keep playing.)

"I'm not cheating," Vector said. "It's in the rule book. Check for yourself."

"I don't care what the stupid rule book says," Misael growled. "You have got to be cheating. There's no other explanation!"

"Misael," Durbe sighed.

"You're just mad that I'm winning and you're not," Vector said in an as-a-matter-of-factly tone.

Misael's eyes flashed with rage again, this time with more fire. "This means war," he growled.

"I thought it was **always** war," Vector guffawed.

Durbe could feel the anger bleeding out of Misael. It felt like he was about to Bariaphose and win the war that way.

He had the sudden urge to get the heck away from the table and allow them to settle their differences without adult supervision.

(Bedtime: 3:05 AM)

Durbe woke up in the middle of the night, his throat slightly parched. "Thirsty," he mumbled sleepily.

He grabbed his glasses and started for the kitchen. However, as he let out a yawn, he heard Misael shout, "That has **got** to be against the stinking rules!"

That froze him in his tracks. "What is…?" Durbe asked himself.

He walked into the living room and sweat dropped at the sight. Both Misael and Vector were **still** at the game.

"What the…?" went Durbe.

"It's not my fault that you screwed up so badly," Vector said, shrugging his shoulders. (You could practically **see** his tengu nose.)

"That last move has **got** to be against the rules!" Misael shouted. "There is no way you could have advanced that quickly without me noticing!"

"I was able to capture all of Turkey," Vector said pridefully. "Hiding something from you is **easy**!"

"VEEECTORRR!"

Durbe hung his head. "Can't you two go to bed now?" he asked exhaustedly. "Please?"

* * *

**D.T.B: You should totally blame my brother that I wrote this. He gave us the Diplomacy board game for Christmas and this hit me during our second play through. Dunno whether or not the game could actually go on that long, but hey, they're Misael and Vector. Those two are crazy. **

**Anyway, you guys know the drill. Ja ne. :)**


End file.
